What is family?

Society enforces family love as the most important factor in life. They tell us, family, is the root of the society and we should all love them. It is the most basic unit of society, and without it, society will crumble to the ground.

I’ve grown up being told that we should unconditionally love family, no matter what.

I totally followed it. I’ve tried to respect them, love them, listen to them, obey them, even when doing all this seemed to diminish the very person I am.

I think I would’ve loved my nuclear family if it was loving. I know I’m capable of love because I love my grandparents so much. That is true. They have understood me and loved me for who I am without trying to change me. A book worm I was, my maternal grandfather allowed me to read as many books as I wanted. My maternal grandmother brought me to museums to teach me the great beauty of art. My paternal grandfather made me help him farm, where I truly fell in love with nature. My paternal grandmother taught me the value of working hard in the face of great difficulty. They have been here long enough to have such wisdom about life. They accepted the diversity of personalities, even the ones deemed undesirable by societal standards. I can’t explain how much I thank and love them. Without them, I would’ve conformed to society and I would’ve led a very boring life. I wouldn’t be here without them. They are singlehandedly the most important people in my life.

Compared to them, my nuclear family seemed very superficial. I’ve never really felt true love for them no matter how hard I am. It’s probably because I’m too close to them that their flaws become especially enlarged. Our family has this culture where we perceive the world as a cold, cruel place, and in order to survive in the world, we have to be physically strong and cunning. I’ve had a pretty dim view of the world since I was little.

My father is a very practical, strict, and stoic man. His value lies in working hard. He likes baseball and pours his soul into it. No understand for soft things like art and literature. He has a very narrow perspective - deciding the value of the person on whether they are “useful” in society or not. It is not really fun to travel with him. But, I thank him for making me do everything on my own. He made me very independent. And I understand where his strictness comes from -he grew up in a poor household and he was the only responsible one among the siblings. He is a very responsible person -killing himself to provide for us. The very reason I am able to lead the life I’m leading is thanks to him and his hard work. But, I don’t want him to work himself to death -we will be ok. It’s heart-wrenching to see him so stressed and tired. I want to relieve him of everything that’s weighing him on his shoulder. I will do everything in my might so that he can at least have a good retirement life. I want to care for him, relieve him of his burdens or at least make him relaxed when he’s home. I’m gonna stop attacking him with my ignorance or complaints.

As for my mother, we have had a very complicated relationship. I just don’t think we are a good match in terms of personality. As a highly sensitive person, I can’t stand her shouting and constant nagging. But, she tries to understand me and listens to me. She helped me when I was at the bottom of the depression. Her advice is useless but at least she tries. I want to like her. I want to see her through her disdainful demeanour and comments. I don’t know if a day comes when I’ll be able to thank her from the bottom of my heart, but I’ll keep trying. It’s so difficult to keep composure when she’s complaining though; I am not a saint and my patience does run out.