chaos

Having encountered him back in Beijing, I’ve always wanted to work alongside Mr. Konuma and his team.

The passion and dedication these people have for their work is unparalleled and I am beyond honored to be involved in realizing their vision.

Going into job hunting, I’ve always hated how many brilliant students are doing their best to maximize their value as an excellent 就活生, rather than taking the time to contemplate what they want to do with their life.

While working, we feel that we are making a real difference in the world and I truly think that’s what work should be all about. It shouldn’t be something you force yourself to do merely for money.

I am eternally grateful for giving me a chance. Although sometimes hard, It has been a great experience full of realization and discovery.

Through researching NGOs and SEs in developing Asian countries, i found that many of them are battling consequences of climate change. This sparked a passion in me that I want to save the planet, which will lead to saving ourselves out of our imminent demise.

With that being said, I have to admit my life is a chaos and I cannot continue this anymore. I would continue this if my body wasn't so weak. the stress is showing on my body and I can't help it. I have to stop. I thought that I had to reset my priorities -1. Job hunting 2. Internship 3. Academics. But I know this would lead to a great future. I reallly want to work in the field of renewable energy in Asia, preferably. I know that to realize this dream I have to work hard now. I know.

Today, I went to class in the morning. I really have to find a way to study for the test. Tomorrow I will finish the report. I will work on it the whole day. Then, I ate at my favorite Taiwanese restaurant and I felt happy. Then, I went to work. it was my last day but it wasn't that sad after all. Then i went to eat dinner and shop. I bought a gift for Coco because it's her birthday and she got naitei. i am truly happy for her.

As for the guy -I dont know. honestly. I really dont. I am not that attracted to him honestly. I know hes a great person and i know hes good for me... i know. but i can't bring myself to like him. it's sad but true. i feel really sorry. i dont know if im even going to eat dinenr with him next time. why am i so self-destructive? hah. but i dont have to do what i dont want to do, especially in this busy period of my life. 

i have to really relax though. my life is a chaos.

i will clean the room, go out for a run, and finish the goddamned report. fuck. and then i will do asian econ. tomorrow i am not leaving the house.