another Mondaze.

I feel like once my life settles down a bit and I read these blogs again, it’s fonna be really funny how stressed I was lol. But for now I’m very stressed and I deserve to put my feelings into words. 

I’ve once again realized the amazing effects of writing everything down because i can organize my thoughts and look at them objectively. Sometimes thoughts run wild in my head and it leaves me confusing. 

Having written the shittiest report ever, I realize the necessity to put more focus on my academic life. I’m caught up on my internship and job hunting, I just don’t have time to deal with school stuff. But I need to do it. 

Ok, i will set the bar low for myself. I don’t care about grade as long as I get the credit. If I try to get perfect grade, my life will fall apart and I know it. I have to sacrifice some things. Job hunting in Japan doesn’t quite require high GPA, so I’ll probably be fine. But I need to finish what I require myself to finish everyday. Otherwise I’ll be very stressed come the exam week. 

I can’t emohasize enough the importance of resting. For others, they don’t need it. For me, I need it. It’s just who I am and I can’t fhange that. 

I will put more effort in the internship and come everyday with a clear purpose. 

Lastly, it’s important to know that what I’m doing is not without purpose. All the efforts will definitely bear fruit in the future, and I’m the only one who can believe in myself despite everything. I shouldn’t expect others to. It’s  my life. Even when life seems like it’s falling apart, if you don’t quit and persist, there will be a way. Quitting is the worst thing you can do. Let’s do this. I will somehow combine renewable energy and Asia, two things I absolutely love. I’ll do anything to achieve my dream. 

I’m not sure if I’m sacrificing my “love” life to achieve my goal though. Yeah, I told G san that I’m too busy to date him, but I think that means he’s not worth giving my time for. If I met someone more attractive, then I think I’ll gladly give my time. I can’t really find a lot of guys I am attracted to in Japan. I like someone who has an acute sense of humor -the same one as me, who is kind of sporty, large of build, someone who’s intelligent and hardworking. I don’t want to waste my time on guys that I don’t even want to date. I’ll wait until I find someone I can genuinely just love. For now, I’d like to focus on myself.