barely making it everyday.

I’m barely making it. Everyday is a battle that has no end. 

I have to keep fighting -no matter what it takes, no matter what people say, I will keep fighting. Even when people shit on me, make me feel worthless, I shan’t give up. 

I decided to dedicate my train time to reflect on myself, instead of clamming everything. I need time to rest, reflect and meditate. I know I crave for human interaction but for now let’s focus on job hunting and getting all the credits. If they leave you because you can’t hang out with them for a month, then they weren’t really your friends from the beginning. Let them go. 

I will contribute to solving climate change and I will go to Asia in the future. I will go to graduate school and I will be surrounded by English speaking, progressive, liberal, kind humans in the future instead of this intolerant land filled with pessimistic people. 

For work, I definitely have to be careful in choosing a workplace that is liberal -not Japanese style. I would definitely want to kill myself if it wasn’t. I need to make good choices. 

Youre you. You don’t have to be liked by everyone. As long as you do your job and learn, it’s okay. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. Even if they make you feel like shit, you don’t have to succumb to their criticism. You don’t have to. As long as you learn what you wanted to learn, it’s okay. Yeah, maybe I’m not good at human interaction and that’s fine. I have other good qualities. 

I regret that I didn’t go to ICU, but what’s the point of complaining about it now? It wouldn’t change anything now. Waseda is pretty lonely but if it weren’t for Waseda I would not have been interested in Asia, and I certainly wouldn’t have been where I am. In life, you have to deal with people you don’t particularly like and I think it was a good practice. If I were in ICU, I wouldn’t have learned to deal with Japanese people, having developed a barrier between me and them. Nonetheless, I should’ve gone to ICU. it is pretty unmistakable. I would’ve had good friends, satisfying academic life and maybe a good boyfriend. But now here I am. I need to leave a footprint in where I am now.