Loreal

Today, I just had Loreal interview.

I fucked it up as usual. I just get so nervous and lose track of myself during interview.

But it's my second try. I will probably get better and get used to it after a few tries... Let's see.

I was desperately trying to find ways to not get nervous during interviews.

緊張しない方法

・失敗してもいい！次に活かせばいい

・面接は「会話」なので正しいも間違いもない。

・丸暗記しないでストーリーで覚える

・場数をふむ。（６−７回でなれる）

・自分が輝いていた瞬間を思い出す

→インターン説明会

→外国人と喋った時

→Farewellプレゼン

・笑顔を絶やさない

I can fail, as long as I can apply my learning for next time. 

I just regret so much how I did not belong to any circle, thus no friends, thus no social life, thus isolation, thus social anxiety. 

I was just so tired, having just recovered from major illness. I was too shy, I was too perfectionistic, I did not think through.

I should have chosen ICU. I should have known myself and chose the one that fit me the most. ICU definitely would've been a better fit for me because it's international, I have friends, you are forced to study, etc. But there is no point in regretting my past decisions; I can only make better choices for the future. 

I honestly don't know what I'm good at. I'm not social, but I can be if I tried. I feel like I can do anything after practicing a few times. 

But I am extremely sensitive. I am a so-called highly sensitive person. I react so much to my surroundings, people's slightest words wound me, I just can't fit in. 

My friends -Mizuho, Rina, Yumeka, Aoi, Shoko, Shuhan, Sakae, Rian -they all are like me. Sensitive, international, quite intelligent, socially awkward. When I get lost, following the path that they've chosen might lead me to an environment suitable for me. 

There are people who just get through interviews without ever failing, and there are peole like me who just fail everything and it hurts.