Jealousy.

I get jealous seeing other people.

This is because they're something that I am not, something I want.

First, it's the community. I want to be in a community, surrounded by people, enjoying communicating with people, achieving something with people.

Second, it's the beauty. I've grown up being told I am dark and I have developed a shame to my face. I am trying my best but I think I am very ugly.

But, being down is just a waste of time; right now, you might not be able to just suddenly start your university life over, but you can do whatever you can do now.

For example, make sure to graduate university! Get all the credits.

Become beautiful and Japanese. maybe 60-40%? 

When joining Suntory, be in a club and start hobbies like learning a new language, cooking, water color painting, trekking, mountaineering.

Be nice to people around you. Respect them.

And you've really grown as a person over the couple of months. You should give yourself a credit for it and be proud of it. and, you do not have to try to be 100% Japanese because now I know that there are some portion of 帰国子女 in Suntory.