sad

I had a long ass call with my friend, Aki.

She's the most down-to-earth, real person I can talk about anything honestly to. 

Honestly, being with him, talking to him makes me feel so little and sad. I feel that he judges girls by their appearance and nothing more. 

He is not toxic, but the environment he is in and the people that he surrounds himself with are, in fact, toxic.

I do like him, I do think he's very kind and I think we are a good match; but I am not confident I can be with him any longer when I meet more guys who have similar way of thinking as me, and seeing him change in the bad circumstance that he's in. 

I don't wanna just dump him because we think differently. We've grown up in different circumstances and i understand that. But I don't want to continue this at such great cost.

Right now, the priority is my health and my well-being.

Once I start working and get out of the house and be independent, everything will change. Sad to say this, but I will probably be parting ways with him.

For now, I need to find a job that can sustain me without being dependent on anyone. In order to do that, I need to assimilate into Japanese society, meaning I need his help.

I'm going to be more assertive to him. I'm not gonna hold back saying what I want to say. If it ends up in us breaking apart, it was never meant to be.