5/1 (Finally finding my balance)

I feel like I've finally struck my balance here, in Tokyo, not being absolutely perfect, but finding that my ideals and practice has finally started being in sync.

Dare I say that it is of utmost importance for me to follow my guts and do what I want to do, be in an environment that I want to be. I am selfishly honest to what I want, and there have been some sacrifices in pursuing my belief and goal that I am not too proud of.

Throughout my university life, I had the pleasure of visiting numerous countries and meeting people I would have never even had the chance to meet. People with beautiful stoicism that never cease to pursue what they believe is right, what they believe will do good to society. And I have come to the realization that it is exactly the balancing profits and contribution to the society that I want to do. And, I have worked in non-profit, and I have painstakingly learned the difficulty and unreasonableness of the world, but I have also encountered people, despite the unfairness, who keep chasing for their ideals.

And here I am, working in a corporate planning of a F&B company, I find myself satisfied being in a diverse and international environment, having amazing, inspiring people as my bosses and colleagues. Yet, there have still been doubts about whether this is what I want to do, and everyday I find myself in the middle of struggle of fitting in versus ruthlessly pursuing my desires. The world is not a kind place, and you are faced with such difficult choices everyday, and the choices you make, even though they may be unconscious, shape your path little by little. And sometimes you find yourself trapped in an unfavorable place and you feel immobile. And I remember the people I met abroad, and how amazing that has been. Even though the environment I am in right now forces me to battle with numbers and profits everyday, it also allows me to engage with people and ideas from all around the globe, and there are so many opportunities to be indulged in what I want to do.

Here I am, standing in a ghastly not-clean street, I feel sure more than ever that I am in the right place, surrounded by the right people, and knowing what I am.

---

I can't change myself on the inside. In order to do what I wanna do I have to assimilate superficially. 

I have douki friends, university friends, and high school friends. I have a good job, being able to do international work. Boyfriend, despite what I think, is good. 
彼氏については悩むけど、変えられるのは自分の行動と考え方なんだよね。