Amalgamation
2020/05/06
i felt very uncomfortable as my boyfriend was telling me about a power couple who he encountered in UW. I know im overthinking this but i feel like im lazy and im not enough for my boyfriend. i also feel like he will dump me for another beautiful, hardworking, smart, successful woman. but what can i do. i just gotta be myself and do what i am supposed to do. whatever will happen will happen. but still i feel hurt, sad and pressured. i am not powerful. i am mentally weak and sensitive. i cant be like her.
well, but this is me and if he doesnt like it he can just leave.
2020/05/07
I started doing shit for Suntory. I am a lazy person and I know that, and regretting the fact that I didn't do anything won't do anything now.
色々な会社の評価などを見ていると、やはり全体的にサントリーの方が良い気がする。ダイキンかサントリー、どちらになろうと、自分のやりたいことを明確にして、目の前の仕事を必死にやろう。
ダイキンは、いろんなウェブサイトを見る限り、自分のやりたいことを常に主張していれば結構やらせてくれる感がある。人事や上司に好かれることが一番大事。そのためには誠実だけど融通がきいて面白くないと。けど仕事もちゃんとこなす。めちゃくちゃ意欲のあるけどでもそんな生意気じゃない感を出していこう。グローバル戦略本部にいけるという確約が欲しい。正直生産管理or物流は興味がない。営業企画に行きたい。サントリー受けた後、もちろんサントリーに受かったら行くが、ダメだったら就活を通じてやはり経営の中枢である営業企画に興味があると言うべきだ。また、他の会社の内定をチラつかせながらグローバル戦略本部にいけると言う確約が欲しい。でもそうしたら入社後に微妙な空気になりそうで怖い。
正直他の企業を受ける気はない。サントリー一本に絞って、ダメだったらダイキンに行こう。他の人の意見は適度に流しつつ批判的に聞こう。まだ三週間以上あるので、面接準備の時間は十分ある。頑張りすぎず、計画的に一日やるべきことをこなして行こう。
やっぱ①顔②人格③能力の三つのアスペクトでできていないと人生において成功することは難しい。顔は今はちょっとあかんけど一年あればどうにかなる。人格は大丈夫。能力もある程度あると思う。
サントリーでは、普通に社風は合っていると思うので自分らしく正直にいけば大丈夫。今の段階から小細工はもうできない。でも、競争率が高いので抜かりなく準備することが大事だと考える。
明日は、インターンについての深堀と、もし時間があればサントリーのウェブサイトでちょっとリサーチしよう。
バイトも始まったのでニート生活は終わりにして、ある程度リズムをつけていこう。
忘れてはならないのは、健康が第一。
2020/05/08
I've been thinking about whether I will regret it or not if I don't try more companies. I'm quite easily influenced by others -the opinions of my boyfriend and people from the seminar affect me a lot. And maybe I also think I might regret my decision. Although I understand the thought process behind this intrusive thought, I just can't help but doubt.
I know I will probably change my opinioin later - but at least I thought about it and that's all that matters.
I feel like I can be valued and enjoy my work at Daikin or Suntory. And I'm going to work hard to get Suntory. Trading companies? No. I value the opinion of someone who I think is similar to me and understand me the most. That is Rian. We have done job hunting together and we are similar in so many ways. I trust him. And if my boyfriend doesn't understand that, then that is it for us.
I am thinking, I don't need him anymore. I am quite done job hunting and I don't need his help on Suntory because I'm just gonna do it on my own. His opinions and input just really annoy me somehow. I do need sex. I am going to take some distance from him (I think he can feel that already). I think I am going to fucking do shit once I meet more people. But that's that. Nobody knows what's going to happen in the future.
2020/05/09
I was lazy yesterday. But that's fine.
邪念を捨てて、サントリーに集中したい。とりあえず授業が始まるまでは、やる気がわかないので、サントリーについて調べるだけにしよう。
自分は社会不適合者だとか、世間知らずだとか、ブスだとか、喋るの苦手だとか、絶対できないだとか、そう言うのはもうこの時点では無視する。
サントリー、健康、他の人間関係という優先順位で行こう。他のことは考えない。
2020/05/10
I need to reallys start repping from tomorrow.
I just cannot deal with myself treating my boyfriend like shit. I am going to treat people around me very nice, but others, fuck them.
WHenever people disappoint you, just think of Shuhan and her boyfriend. They're the role models.
Never touch your pimples. It gets worse.
You like people.
You got Suntory.
Live with a rhythm.
My skin condition is a freaking mayhem. I need to sleep, drink water, reduce stress, and just not care
Right center, right upper, right downward
Left upper
Never touch
2020/05/12
my mom is annoying the shit out of me. Her attitude and voice just annoy me so much. She always orders us what to do and she has to shut up. I will tell her what I want to say unlike the past. I won't let my self-esteem down because of her. I won't let her stress me out, she's not even worth it. It's just a year of patience and I'm outta here.
I realized that I just cant be honest in that note blog. Gotta start writing shit here.
