Spark in my eyes

04/19

Although it's technically already tomorrow, I still would like to reflect on today.

I've accumulated the diary on my phone for like four days, but I want to applaud myself for continuing this writing process. It is such an interesting thing. IT's so interesting to see how my thoughts progress over time. I always just go over the same thing like studying abroad, job hunting, being busy, etc. Let's keep doing this.

So today, I woke up early, went for a run. It's so refreshing. I'd like to continue it.

I slept like hell on the train. 

Being at home is just really a bad influence for me overall. They are narrow-minded people who always try to constrain me. I can't reach my full potential if I'm always influenced by them. I know that what they've gone through, how hard my father is working to provide for us all. When I see new fruits being added to the refridgerator, new ingredients for onigiri, I feel mother's love even though we always quarrel. But still, there are things I want to do. But their strictness and defiance is good for me because I get to be independent. In real life, people are worse than they are. It's good that they're trying to prepare me for the reality. I appreciate it.

I had East Asian History; I was late. But i guess its ok cuz they dont take attendance. The professor is kind of strange. Maybe typical professor. I feel passionate about east asia and learning history is very significant in solving the historical problem we have. I never want to lose the spark in my eyes, no matter how much hardship life brings. You've survived Turkey, survived atopy, survived depression, survived rejection. You always believed that tomorrow is better than today, and life is worth fighting for. You're freaking invincible.

I had Global Interaction for Leadership thingy where I skyped with fellow students from Korea University, Ritsumeikan University, Taiwan university. It was really fun getting to know them and it really confirmed my desire to go to the ASEP program to interact with students from the area. What the fuck if it overlaps with internship? Would you wanna work in consulting firm? Do it. I always have doubts, but I always reach the conclusion, do it. I got to talk to the teacher, who seemed to have been impressed by me. Of course. People don't really know what I've gone through. I've seen hell and that's why I am very nice to people. 

I ate lunch with people I became friends with in the class, and talked to them. One is a boy (i forgot the name) in SILs, who has a lazy eye, which i found very adorable. He's really cool. the other girl is also from SiLs, but shes a bit of a ぶりっ子. i know a ぶりっ子 when i see one.  but that's a way of survival. at least shes real nice.

then i met aya and ami chan, my kouhais. they're so cool and cute. i cant wait to go dinner with them. i am impressed by aya because she does whatevre the fuck she wants to do unapologetically. as for ami, i admire her diligence and genuine cuteness. she really works hard. i want to surround myself with those kinds of people to gain more perspective.

then, i went to gakudoku to study but ended up searching for jica internship. as for august, my plan is to go to asep, straight to nikkori peace tour, and then start jica internship for a month, and go to gasshuku. i dont know if the jica internship is a smart choice because i have to prepare a presentation for the gasshuku, which i will present in front of students of (possibly) peking university. i cant wait to go back there. honeslty i never thought id go back there since i ended things with him, but fate has a unique way of finding its way. but i dont think its fate. its my hard work and will. i joined the seminar because i wanted to go to china. never thought itd be bejing but its the consequence of my choice. but I can do it. I can. I said i can do it and i will. i will work hard.

there is one thing i learned from him; is to be caring and genuinely loving people you work with. praise them when they do good. worry and think with them when they have problems. you have to work hard before you can expect others to. he couldnt do that. i did that.

i love this work hard study hard thing. its so good to keep busy and always have something to do with a sense of purpose.